No More Lies!

I am generally not a happy person. Content, but not happy.

Well, I’ve decided to make a change.

Last fall I left the grind and stress of working for a CPA firm and took a position with Kansas Publishing Ventures to write for the Harvey County Independent (primarily), Hesston Record, and Newton Now.

The change in my life came after years of writing, planning, and preparing myself for such a change. It happened earlier than I had expected, but I’m confident it was the right decision and the right time.

Ultimately I want to write novels for a living. Until then, I’m doing exactly what I want. I write full-time, my stress is way down, and because I work locally and don’t travel or work overtime, I have a lot more time to write fiction and pursue my dream.

Yet I found myself struggling to be excited, hopeful, and energized about, well, anything.

For a long time I’ve told myself that’s just the way I am. However, I reached the point a few weeks ago where that wasn’t good enough. I decided something had to change.

My circumstances are great, my personality is what it is, so the only thing left to change?

My attitude.

As I evaluated my situation and analyzed my attitude, I realized that my thinking was toxic and I believed a lot of lies about myself.

I suppose I’ve known this for a long time, but I had never determined nor had the confidence that I could overcome them.

Last fall my church went through a sermon series by Craig Groeschel called Mastermind, which talked about changing our thinking. I recently went back and rewatched the series—several times.

I am now making a list of the lies that I believe about myself along with what the truth really is. It’s a work in process, but I’ll share some of what I have so far.

Keep in mind that I am a follower of Christ, so the truths that I recognize come from God’s revelation in the Bible.

The lie: I have a deep-seeded fear of rejection. I struggle to be vulnerable and I don’t let myself get too close to others. I crave the approval of certain others to feel good about myself. The truth: I have been reconciled to and am totally accepted by God. I no longer have to fear rejection.

The lie: I allow regrets and my past failures to paralyze me. Guilt often steals my hope. The truth: I am not my past. I am not what I did. I am who God says I am. He says I am forgiven. He says I am redeemed. He says I am free.

The lie: Years ago I struggled with an eating disorder so I have a love/hate relationship with food. Also, I have many OCD tendencies that can provide difficulties for me at times. The truth: I am not a slave to my habits. I am not a prisoner to an addiction. I have been rescued from the power of darkness and brought into the kingdom of God’s light.

The lie: I can be full of worry and self-doubt. I often lack confidence in myself and in the things I believe God has called me to do. The truth: My confidence is in Christ—and Christ alone. Because His Spirit lives within me, I can do everything He calls me to do.

The lie: At times I feel shame about who I am. I believe that I am what I am, that I cannot change, and that I am hopeless. The truth: I have been made brand new, complete in Christ. By God’s power I can change.

That last one has been the biggest for me recently. I am choosing to believe that I can change my attitude. I believe God has revealed the flaws in my thinking, which gives me hope that He will help me persevere as I change my thoughts and attitude.

I don’t believe all of the lies all of the time. But I do believe enough of them regularly that they steal my confidence, joy, and hope.

By God’s grace and strength I will teach myself to think differently.